pepperoni quest pt. iii: around the corner, sausage is made

after a week of pouring my heart and soul into it, my quest for pepperoni has finally come to an end. it was a long and arduous quest, but at the end there was some pretty okay pizza as a reward, and that’s about all anyone can ask for, isn’t it?

my copious amounts of pepperoni prep (prepperoni) came to a head and i finally chucked those suckers in the smoker. it was a low and slow deal, as smoking typically is, but in this situation it was noticeably minus the smoke. largely uneventful, the process took about three and a half hours, much of which i spent reading online about how i would soon succumb to botulism due to my hubris in thinking i could safely prepare such a meat.

the only real issues with the cooking came near the end; following a bit of boasting about how the sausage was going to be done long before the expected time, my temperatures began dropping. i freaked out a bit and probably overcompensated, but everybody got where they needed to get and nobody got hurt. a win for us all.

the resulting roni was a beautiful red color, just like you see in the movies! the smell was delightful, and when all was said and done, i held in my hands something truly special and meaty. kind of like basil.

tunes of note during the cooking process: prince’s album controversy, nicole’s occasional concertina tunes, and of course notorious b.i.g.’s “big poppa”.

once coming up to temperature, the pepperoni was rushed off to a cold shower, then promptly stowed in the refrigerator to congeal / become a real boy. i would not see it again for another eight hours or so, at which time i helped myself to a bite (after educating nicole on the appropriate actions to take once the neurotoxins began to take effect).

just handling the slimy sausage was enough to convince my that i had worked some sort of alchemy – the grease seemed just right. the flavor and consistency, however, were another story. the flavor was very close, but a bit more aromatic and slow burning, rather than a sharp bite. the consistency was more packed meat than cured slice, which was unfortunate, but it was not so off that it was a problem. it just wasn’t… perfect.

in addition to the pepperoni, i used the remaining pork to create a second sausage – “sausage” sausage. you know, the kind you get when you order a pizza. “italian” sausage, i suppose. this recipe was mostly adapted from serious eats, but i also took some notes from the “sausage maniac” who outlined my pepperoni recipe. with this one, i felt i had a lot more wiggle room on the ingredients, and by the time i was done seasoning the meat before grinding, i had something that i knew would be good based on scent alone.

this sausage was packed with fennel seeds, red pepper flakes, and the music of the clash and the talking heads.

with all the pieces in place (including my simple pizza sauce, kissed with the latin jazz of dizzy gillespie), i was ready to get down and dirty on some pizza making. the plan was three pizzas: one with my pepperoni, one with my sausage, and one with my sausage and store-bought pepperoni. the oven was hot and ready, the cheese had been diced into cubes; all that was left was to make some pizzas. and to throw on some jamz.

my final musical choice would be the defining one for the pizza, a marriage of all the different sounds that had come before into one magical album. i needed passion. energy. intelligence. sex. funk. and horns. i narrowed it down to two artists – the red hot chili peppers, and no doubt. and so i made my decision.

i set to work on my dough, poking and pounding it into submission, constantly flouring it, and whispering sweet nothings into its ear. once i got it to a place where i liked, i set about topping the beast with my weird little pepperonis, and then deftly tossed that thing in to oven onto my hot and ready pizza stone. it… wasn’t a ten point landing. a bit of nudging was required to get that sucker into place. but it was fine. it alllllll went fine.

okay so it looked kind of like a shitty pangea. but looks aren’t everything! it also tasted like a shitty pangea. not really though. it was fine. the crust was a little too thick, an issue which has plagued my pizzas since i began these pizza adventures, but it was not a bad crust by any means. the pepperoni worked well in this context, much better than just eaten on its own. i cut the slices thick on purpose, and i think that suited the pepperoni well.

the second – the sausage pizza – was definitely an improvement over the first. the crust was largely the same, but the browning on the cheese turned out much better. i rotated this pie halfway through, which i had always been too afraid to do in the past (see exhibit a – pangea). the task was surprisingly easy though, with no damage done to the shape of the thing.

but the real star of this show was the hot italian sausage. unlike previous pizzas where i pre-cooked the sausage, i opted to apply this sausage raw and let it cook with the pizza, which turned out to be a huge success. the sausage was perfectly cooked, and i must say the flavor was incredible – any fears i had of over-seasoning were needless. the texture was spot-on, with a slight meaty chew. savory and melty and perfect. it was the perfect pizza topping, playing spicy against the sweet and tangy sauce – you could really taste the bounce of dizzy’s rhythm in every bite.

i prepped the final pizza, adding a brushing of olive oil to the crust to see what difference that might make, tossed it in, and waited patiently.

this one actually was pretty successful. the clear winner of the three. the defining characteristic? besides it being circular, it was the thin crust. i was able to get this one noticeably thinner than the other two, despite this one actually being made from the largest dough ball. thus the pizza was also the largest in size. the sausage and (store bought) pepperoni were a fine combination, but honestly all i cared about was the sausage at that point.

all in all, it was a good pizza experience. BUT i am saddened to say i don’t think any of these pizzas lived up to the last pizza i made, which is the one that convinced me that making restaurant-quality pizza at home is possible. it all comes down to the crust, and i don’t think any of these got thin/crisp enough in the right proportions to get there.

so then what are the major takeaways from this pepperoni quest / pizza adventure?

• pepperoni, though achievable in the home kitchen, is not worth the time. you get more bang for your buck with straight up sausage.
• cubed cheese does seem to brown better, but it’s tough to distribute properly and tough to avoid over-cheesing. more experience needed.
• my sauce recipe continues to work. this particular can of tomatoes was the most acidic and least sweet i’ve ever encountered, so i actually had to sweeten the sauce a bit for once. it worked out well though, and i daresay the more acidic start resulted in a better overall flavor.
• the crust was solid once again. the flavor was improved over last time, which i attribute to the additional sugar. it was easy to work with despite being a bit sticky when pulled from the fridge, and i had to deal with very little tearing (which i mostly attribute to bringing the dough to room temperature).
• the bottom of the crust was not as crisp as i would have liked. need to get that stone hotter, god dammit!
• thin crust. make a thiiiin thin crust.
• believe in yourself and anything is possible.
• go wacky with flour. it’s not gonna hurt you.
• rotate the pizza! be a champ.
• didn’t get anything from the olive oil, but i’d be willing to give it another shot.

all in all, a worthwhile adventure. one which i’ll be undertaking again, no doubt. with that,  i’d like to leave you with this poem i wrote about pizza:

from all the drugs the one i like more is pizza
from all the junks the one i need more is pizza
from all the boys the one i take home is pizza
from all the ladies the one i kiss is pizza

pizza is my boyfriend, pizza is my girlfriend
pizza is my dead end, pizza’s my imaginary friend
pizza is my brother, pizza is my great granddaughter
pizza is my sister, pizza is my favorite mistress

from all the shit the one i gotta buy is pizza
from all the jobs the one i choose is pizza
from all the drinks i get drunk off pizza
from all the bitches the one i wanna be is pizza

pizza is my beach house, pizza is my hometown
pizza is my king size bed, pizza’s where i meet my friends
pizza is my hot hot bath, pizza is my hot hot sex
pizza is my back rub, my pizza is where i’d like you to touch