despite my impressive behind-the-scenes cellphone photography and rambling explanations on my pizza artistry, i feel like a real look behind the curtain into the process itself is in order. of course, i’m talking about the music being used to infuse the pizza and its various components with love.
any pizza auteur worth their pizza salt knows that the most crucial ingredient in your pizza is not the artisan mozz cheese blend, or the locally sourced heirloom tomatoes for the sauce, but the phat beats or “jams” in which the pizza is conceived. a pizza that was made in the loving embrace of conor oberst’s dulcet tones is going to taste far different from one produced with busta rhymes blasting in the background. that’s basic science. so you can imagine the importance of the various auditory environments in which i am bringing each individual piece of my master pizza into the world. dough massaged by miles davis’ kind of blue? delectable. pepperoni forged in the fires of rush’s moving pictures? complex and sophisticated. mozzarella cheese pulled to the ghostbusters II soundtrack? sacrilege!
so how does one incubate the perfect pizza? difficult choices must be made.
why yes, it was a marvelous night for a moondance. van morrison’s moondance set the scene for my doughcraft. delicate, sensual, open-hearted and intelligent; a perfect flavor profile for the foundation of my pizza. simultaneously light and hefty, this album packs a punch that kneaded my dough into soulful submission. this pie is bound to be laden with the positive vibes of van morrison’s sweet open-mouthed kiss.
pepperoni requires a touch more passion. something hot and raw to stand up against the spiced majesty of the sausage. pressed for time, my fire from the hip choice was janelle monáe’s latest album dirty computer. a sexually liberated romp, packed with funk and hip hop and guest artists, this album contains that essential “fuck you you bloated piece of shit” to trump’s america that traditional pepperoni so desperately needs.
the pepperoni process was lengthy, however, and additional auditory infusions were required. i was looking for something… spicy.
“shake it baby, shake ya titties!” – marvin gaye, songwriter of “what’s going on”
spicy like marvin gaye’s final love letter to intercourse, midnight love. pepperoni requires a passion for love on par with that of the master himself. let’s get it on is too on the nose, and i want you contains too much inappropriate moaning for cooking; conversely, midnight love provides the perfect examination of intimacy through the weary eyes of a middle-aged sex addict with depression. truly, gaye’s music is just as ideal for a night of lovemaking as it is for a pungent stick of meat.
these flavors and more are expected to be evident in the finished product, my most perfect pizza. more musical accompaniment is needed for my 3+ hour long pepperoni slow cooking session, along with the sauce brewing, and of course the final pizza immolation. what other jams can i pack into this pie to perfectly compliment these already great artists? the answer remains to be seen, but good guesses might fall somewhere in the polka or mariachi genres.
what music do you cook in the nude to? tell us in the comments, and don’t forget to like rate and subscribe!
Literally LOL’d at your stinger at the end. Sold. Gold.
I can’t wait for pictures of the pizza. And more music to go with the makin’ of the pizza. And pictures of the music too if you can do that. And put a slice of pizza in the camera. It’s the only way to get the full 4D experience.