i must make the dough, in order to save some dough.

it took me another week to pull out three more pages, but i did it – first draft is complete. 10 pages. it hardly feels like an accomplishment today, because for the whole weekend i really only had one line of dialogue and some scene descriptions to push through before it all came to an end. there was one little snag i hit that had me struggling to come up with answers for, and even what i wound up going with may be changed in the revisions process. but for now, it’s a script. a lucky bit of revisions today produced what i feel like should be an excellent title for the piece, which is shocking because usually titles are a big challenge for me. i had enough little surprises like that in writing this weekend that i feel very satisfied with where i am.

what’s next? i will do a second draft, trying to iron out what wrinkles are left in the script. then i have a bit of creative work i’ll need to do, while attempting to plan the actual shooting. the initial plan was, by design, to have something that will require only myself and one other to shoot, but now that i’m sitting with a short story that i actually like pretty well, i am considering bringing in an actor to replace myself so i can focus on directing. and possibly an additional crew member. i shouldn’t really get ahead of myself though, because i’m just not there yet. right now, i’m playing the role of screenwriter, and that’s all i need to be concerned with.

managing writing this past week was a bit rough. i should have had this script finished days ago, but the week was busier than usual, and it’s also getting harder for me to stay focused. maybe it was the spot i was writing though. difficult to say. in any event, i am comfortable taking a day or so away from the script, in hopes that a small amount of distance will give me fresh eyes.

in place of writing, for now i will focus on a far more important creative pursuit: pizza.

screenwriting and sausage making

five days later and i’m five more pages into the script. i hit page seven tonight, which is where i had hoped the story would end, but it’s going to be another four or so. i wanted to get through the first draft by the end of the weekend, but obviously that was not in the stars. i spent a good chunk of my work on the script today trying to nail down some specifics of last third of the story, without which i couldn’t get past the second third. now that i have all of that in place, i just need to trust my characters to get us all there.

my writing pace has been not terrible. i had the luck of starting my return to writing during a week-long vacation, and so i was able to really dedicate my time to it. since i’ve been back to work, my pace was close to a scene per day when really putting the effort into it. this new script is looking more like a page per day. it’s a very different script though, and the writing is less “i will shit whatever sounds funny onto the page” and more “i will write a story with characters in it”. so a lot different from what i’m used to. but the method has been the same between the two – brainstorm and outline specific scenes in a text file, then write my way through the outline from beginning to end in the screenwriting software. this script’s outline, however, is a lot more granular in its descriptions, and is broken more into story beats than scenes given that the whole thing is just one long scene (more or less). the system seems to work for me, allowing me both the structure of a plotted story as well as the freedom to improvise. i think something of my DMing is in there.

much of my day today was focused on making sausages for a cassoulet nicole made for dinner. the whole project was of gigantic scale, and i think it all turned out very nicely. the meal was delicious, and the sausages (toulouse style) were good. sausage making is very rewarding; it feels like you’re creating something out of nothing… something greater than the sum of its parts. and you literally get your hands dirty doing it. i’d never heard of these toulouse sausages before, but they’re very nice. aromatic with allspice and nutmeg and garlic, yet still mild and meaty in flavor.

in doing research for the recipe, nicole turned up a treasure trove of other sausage recipes, which has gotten me really excited. i have been wanting to make another pizza lately, and now i’ve been burdened with the desire to make my own pepperoni for my own pizza. that will be its own adventure.

breaking the seal

i “broke the seal” on my new script tonight. two pages in, of what i’d guess will end up being seven or so total. and i’m feeling great about it. i have what i think are pretty distinct voices locked down. the characters are driving the scenes. extra business / life is building itself on top of the outline, and it’s still hitting all its marks pretty organically. it’s going better than i imagined.

getting started on the actual writing has been the hardest part for me in the past few years. i’ve built out full plots and outlines for a number of stories that never got beyond a bulleted list. i think the fear is that once i start putting actual words and dialogue into place, it necessarily has to measure up to my expectations for it; the story can no longer just float around as a vague collection of feelings and imagined scenes, but it actually has to be the first realization of that flawless vision. it’s the same as putting pen/pencil/brush/whatever to paper when attempting to draw something; if it doesn’t line up to what i have in my head, then i become discouraged.

i’ve done a good job of convincing myself that in anything less than ideal conditions, i won’t be able to produce my best work. and then once i’ve created imperfection, that i won’t be able to make changes to it since that is how it was realized. as though something written on the page can only be written down truthfully one time, and any alterations to that will be artificial. these are the lies i have to get past.

the more comfortable i become with taking these leaps of faith, the more productive i will be. the more assured i feel that can make edits and revisions and more than just one draft, the more content i’ll be able to create. i just have to relearn this piece of the creative process.

PROJECT SUNPROBE IS ON!!

about as quickly as it came, the weekend is now winding down to a close. a productive weekend, and packed with good stuff. akira movie night on friday was a success, and renewed my love for a movie that i haven’t seen in years. i also really enjoyed the bar we went to beforehand, which needs to be revisited. the burger i got featured sloppy joe “slime”, a fried egg, and jalapeños – a combination fit for a king. it was quite good, but were it to feature extra slime and be paired with tiny corn dog nuggies, and followed up by one of those intriguing tang-infused margaritas, it would probably be a much more satisfying experience.

saturday was spent enjoying myself on such pleasures as sleeping in until ten (a rarity these days) and becoming the spider man through the magic of virtual reality. it was a good try at a half-hearted attempt at a video game-type experience… meaning it was basically an advertisement for a movie. but i’ll take it. if they put effort into an actual game of this style, i think they could make something really fun.

a good amount of time was once again spent digging into my old work. i found a few bits of inspiration, one or two concepts that may be worth salvaging, and then a ton of stuff that was delightful to go over but is better off living on “in perfection” through my imagination.

i spent a long time reading through my ill-fated feature length film about a crazy kid and his talking formaldehyde cat. there was some cringe in there that read like an angry teen lashing out against religious institutions he didn’t understand (i was not a teen at the time of writing, and i still don’t understand the religious institutions), but there were also some very good little bits. kids conducting a note-passing discussion on what to do about the murders they discovered; christmas kisses under the mistletoe with a corpse; a soccer game climax written with zero understanding about how soccer works… some real solid stuff in there. but the fact that a second draft wasn’t even attempted is not surprising, and was probably the right choice. at least it provided me with entertainment and warm memories for an evening.

one great re-discovery was the short film “half and half”, written and filmed in a single rushed night after one of our regular visits to denny’s. it’s not a smart film, but it still works for me after all this time. and the editing is relatively tight, which had been a problem that plagued our early films. it seems to be a mile-marker indicating the slow improvements we were making to our work.

inspired by half and half, and following my desires as mentioned in the last post, i took today to start building out the foundation for a short film that can be 1.) easily filmed 2.) with two people, 3.) in an outdoor setting. i came up with a concept early this morning, and am now sitting with a full outline and a bit of additional world building. it just needs some polish and then the actual writing and dialogue, but it’s a decent idea and it should be a simple shoot. this would make a good bang-for-your-buck project to start things back up with, and it’s got me feeling confident.

speak low if you speak love

this has been one wacky week, huh? glad it’s coming to an end.

today was a surprisingly productive day at work, given the awkward tension that seems to have permeated the office. guess it’s the lack of pajamas to distract me! i’ve been pretty focused on design for just one particular thing, and i’ve kind of swung all they way over the bar on this one. at the outset, i began listing off functionality i needed to cover. i wound up having so many individual pieces to balance and track that i just started designing before i had listed it all, to try and not lose sight of what i was envisioning. i’ve since changed pretty much everything i started with, and wound up with a mutant that i can’t tell whether i hate or i love. it’s a weird, roundabout way of designing. possibly because this particular thing is some kind of crazy fractal nightmare stuff where it seems like every step in the right direction reveals another three paths i have to allow for. but i’m getting there.

it’s odd to think that my job has been my major creative outlet for the past few years now. aside from my d&d campaign, and some random tootlings of the trumpet / flügelhorn, that is. earlier today i watched a snippet from the video installation(s) that rion and i contributed to much ado. not to tootle my own flügelhorn, but that thing turned out incredibly well! it was a true collaboration between rion and myself, and resulted in something very unique. and its nature, as part of a larger whole that was a live event, made it fleeting and somehow all the more special for it. it was such an interesting experience that i sadly rarely think about now.

i’m obviously spending a lot of energy getting my head back in this space, but it’s been a lot of fun. i shamelessly enjoy my own work. and i am ready to get back on the horse. i currently have the single aforementioned written screenplay, and then a handful of other loosely tied together concepts and story outlines for a series of films. that’s where i want to head, but having watched these old pieces, i feel myself wanting to throw something quick and easy together just to get my feet wet again.

the next available representative

when i was young, i used to lie awake in bed at night and think. my voice echoing inside my own head. mostly it was about aliens or math, but it was my own voice.

when i grew older, i would go out driving. long trips to nowhere in particular. just my music and my thoughts. i’d call this going on “adventures”.

i used these times to come up with stories. i used this mental space to dream. it provided the fuel for my creative engine.

i’ve spent the last five or so years hemorrhaging those creative juices. my attention was consumed by other things, be it by necessity or by my choice. i would occupy myself with mental junk food. any opportunity i had to give myself room to breath and just be with myself, i turned away from it and found comfort in distraction.

earlier this week i completed the first draft of a short screenplay, after making the decision to put aside and turn off those distractions just a couple weeks prior. it may not be a good screenplay, and it may never amount to anything more than words on pages, but the success for me is in seeing that i can still do it. and in reacquainting myself with… myself.

below you’ll find my most recent work – a short film i wrote and produced all within the period of a month back in 2015. it was just me and my friend (as you’ll see). i never posted it anywhere because i didn’t believe in it and i didn’t believe in myself. but… i’m working on it.